Why every mom needs a purpose beyond motherhood | Mormon Times.
I didn’t want to start a firestorm of angry mommy comments directed at
me so I am just sending this little rant to you (TheGlider and any other person who happens to stumble in here).
I am actually offended by the article. It feels like just one more snide dig aimed at those of us who don’t feel that motherhood is a drudgery of self sacrifice. It demeans me personally because “all” I want to do is focus on my family/children right now. It goes by so fast. Then, after this time there will be another time when there is a slice for me.
It upsets me when articles or books written by women presume to know how I feel and then assume that all feel the same way. Phrases like, “all women need”, or “we all should”, or “it’s only natural that”, shout out to me that if you don’t feel the same way I do you are somehow wrong and need to re-examine your life. Maybe it’s because we have chosen to homeschool, or maybe it’s because I seriously just don’t mind that from way early until way late everyday I am just busy and filled with home and family. Is that bad? Is it wrong? Shouldn’t that be for me to decide? I find articles like this just as demeaning as somebody, anybody, telling me that I have to be one certain way to be a good mom.
I don’t share this woman’s perspective. That needs to be ok, too. She shouldn’t be telling me what I need in my life to feel fulfilled even as I don’t go around telling people that if they find fulfillment outside
of their mothering they are bad or wrong. I feel strongly about this, but, alas, I also feel that if I were to post these feelings I would be cut down and cut short because of them. I don’t feel the need to justify myself publicly for the choices I have made – perhaps this lady should ask herself why she needs every other woman on board with her for her to feel ok with her choice.
It may surprise many to know that I am a writer. I am an accomplished and articulate writer. Short stories, poems, essays, letters . . . my work is not published. It may never be published. I am a writer because even though (with the exception of my husband) I receive no validation whatsoever – words entertain, amuse and define my days. But, I don’t need to carve out a slice for myself everyday to feel like a real woman or a real writer.
I don’t feel degraded when I give all to my kids. This level of self sacrifice is not going to last forever. Then, I have plans for what I want to do next. The fact that my perspective allows for that sort of patience is also ok in the paradigm of womanhood and motherhood.
This article just felt like a criticism of what I personally hold dear and it annoys me because, unless provoked, I don’t smear my campaign of motherhood all over anyone else and I guess it would be nice to receive the same courtesy in return from time to time.
I think that people who have that view of motherhood probably don’t understand how fulfilling it can be. I homeschooled my children for the most part. I gave them the choice of homeschool or public school, with two exceptions: one was when I got too tired/frustrated and put them into ps for several months. The other was keeping my middle child home after she stopped going to ps in about the 6th grade. PS is toxic to her, and she projects her anger onto the rest of us. (She has never attended a full year of ps, with all her time added together.)
Perhaps it’s the perspective toward children and women’s traditional roles that makes the difference.
By: Toni on November 22, 2011
at 3:27 pm